Why Premarital Co-habitation Rarely Leads to Marriage
73
Most women have had that little girl fantasy of having a beautiful wedding, marrying the perfect guy, having a beautiful family, and growing old with the man they love. So what happens if you meet the right guy, move in, are blissfully happy, but he refuses to pop the question? He says he loves you and can't see him self with anyone else, so what's the problem? The problem may be that you've let him feel a little too comfortable. This article is for the woman who wants to be married or looking to get married someday.
Many men live the by the philosophy "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", so when you meet the right guy and he asks you to move in with him, your excited. Your so caught up in the fact that he's willing to take your relationship to the next level that you don't stop to think that that might be the final step he's willing to take. In your mind, your thinking that this is your chance to prove what a great wife you can be. In his mind he's thinking, "I'm getting laid, getting home cooked meals, a clean house, half the bills paid, and I didn't even have to marry her". Would you make a life long commitment to something if you didn't have to? If he's already getting all the benefits a husband gets without actually having to give the whole commitment, then why should he bother?
You might ask "What if he says he wants to see what living together will be like first?". That is a load of crap ladies. Marriage is about working together in all situations and that includes co-habitation. If he is being insistent, than give him conditions. Tell him your willing to move in but only for six months (they have six month leases), so he can see how great you guys can get along. Then move out when that time limit is up. Don't make any big purchases together. If you want furniture than buy it with your own money. You have to make it clear that you are only doing it as a request to him so he can see what it would be like. By doing this, your letting him know that you can go at any given moment, so if he doesn't want to risk losing you, he's gonna have to lock you down. If he doesn't agree to your conditions, then he may not have marriage on his agenda.
"What if we have already been living together for a while?" It's time to bring back your single girl allure. No matter what, always make sure you look your best. Always be sexy and have that "I'm hot boys, come get me appeal". Make sure that he's aware that other men are checking you out. Don't just stop there, go out without him. Act like your single and flirt to get a confidence boost. Men love confidence and when you feel like a million bucks, your gonna be treated like a million bucks. Don't completely ignore him though, because it will backfire. You want to act like a single girl, not become one. As far as sleeping together, make him the iniator instead of you if your the one who commonly iniates it. If he's the one who takes the lead than surprise him in a good way and make the first move every once in a while. Don't withold love making though, as this will only verify his fears that sex will eventually disappear after marriage.
If none of this works, It's time to make new living arrangements. This last step is for the woman with a backbone. If your man hasn't indicated that marriage is on his mind, then it's time to move out. He may get scared and pop the question or he may let you leave without giving it a second thought. Either way, you'll no where you stand. If he chooses to let the relationship go then that is something you have to prepare yourself for. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who didn't see you worthy to be his wife? If you stay then you are saying that your ok with never being a wife and that's another reality you have to be willing to face.
I'm not saying that co-habition won't lead to marriage because it can happen, but it's very rare. We have all known a woman who has been living with her man for years and still has not gotten engaged. Instead of focusing on how fun living together will be, focus on the big picture instead. It will be hard, but it will be worth it.
CommentsLoading...
My point exactly. Men are going to marry who they want. As stated in my article, co-habitation can lead to marriage but it's not that likely. I respect your opinion and I appreciate your feedback. My theories are based on research that I have had accessed over ther web, surveys, and some feedback that I asked men who lived with their partners and haven't proposed to their long term partners. I also want to make it clear that in the second paragraph of my artcle, I asked "would you take on more responsibilty if you didn't have to?", I was also saying that women have this theory to. Now a days, more and more couples co-habitate and never get married. Usaully it is the male not wanting to get married, not the female (although that isn't always the case). This article is for women who have lived with their partner for years and still have not gotten a proposal. In the second paragraph, I stated that women move in without giving a thought that maybe that is the last step he is willing to take, because they may think that the next step will be a proposal and they might disappointd if that day never comes. I believe I was fair when I thought a 6 month test live in situation was a good amount of time to see how well a couple can get along. I'm a 2010 woman and as a 2010 woman, I know that divorces are at an all time high and marriages are getting lower and lower. I also noticed that many of these marriages that ended in divorce, lived together prior to getting married so testing the living arangements doesn't always garuantee a happy marriage. I hope you understand that this isn't an article about man bashing, because it wasn't my intention. My intention was only to give my theory on pre-marital co-habitation and my personal advice on how to handle situations like this. Thanks again for your feed back :)
AWESOME!!! And so true. Most couples living together that I know of, have been together for years and never get engaaged. I think it's because one partner always wants to know how long they can milk it (I'm guilty of doing it). I do agree that it's mostly the man but I do know a couple women who do it too.
jillsama, We are in agreement for the most part and I am aware of the research out there. I guess what I wanted to point out is their weakness. The fact of the matter is "most relationships don't lead to marriage whether you live with someone or not."
If they did we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!LOL!
As for women who have been living with a man for years you have to wonder was there a "plan" to get married before she moved in. Awhile back I wrote a hub "Is Living Together (the new marriage)?"
http://hubpages.com/hub/happilylivingtogether
Just like you I too did some research and it appears that a lot of people end up moving in together for (convenience or to save money). "It just made sense because one person was spending more time at the other person's house." There was no egagement nor talk about getting married in the "near future". I still believe it's important to know someone's living habits.
Of course it's been said, "Marriage is not about finding someone you can live with. It's about finding someone you can't live without!" At any rate thanks for the additional explanation. I wasn't knocking your hub by any means. I just wanted to point out the researchers never acknowledge the fact that (MOST relationships don't lead to marriage).
As you stated in your comment, "There are no guarantees"
dashingscorpio Level 5 Commenter 17 months ago
"Men have one common philosophy. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Isn't that statement a little outdated for women of 2010? Honestly selecting a life partner is the most important decision a person will ever make. I would never buy a pair of shoes without trying them on let alone marry someone without living with them. Honestly I don't think "living together" is the problem. (The real problem is selecting a mate who does not want what you want!) If someone "really" wants to marry you they are going to marry you. If it makes a woman feel better she can wait until she has a ring and a ceremony date has been set before living together. There are just as many men NOT marrying women they don't live with. Ultimately we are all looking for someone who wants what we want!